Do you expand all of your energy in trying to attain your partner’s needs?
Do you feel a sense of scarcity or trapped in your relationship?
Are you the one that constantly makes the sacrifices or is shamed in the relationship?
There’s a good chance you may be in a codependent relationship.
CODEPENDENCY:
1. a condition where one person becomes the “caretaker” of an addicted or troubled partner.
2. a destructive form of helping; enabling
3. a condition in which one person supports, either overtly or inadvertently, the addictive behavior of another
Codependency can be identified as a person belonging to a dysfunctional, one-sided relationship where one person relies on the other for meeting nearly all of their emotional and self-esteem needs. (Codependency can also be described as a relationship that enables another person to maintain their irresponsible, addictive, or underachieving behavior. Learn more about it in toxic family enmeshment )
The term codependency has been around for decades and was originally applied to spouses of alcoholics. Researchers have revealed that it can apply to a variety of relationships between family, friends, and intimate partners.
The core issue that needs to be resolved between both parties in the relationship is establishing a clear Sense of Self.
You’ll find that the “caretaker” feels the loss of their individuality – it’s become difficult for them to identify their emotional feelings, boundaries, power, and confidence.
A few more traits include:
- Lost their sense of identity and individuality (solar plexus chakra)
- Feels consumed and overburdened in the relationship
- No sense of boundaries (sacral chakra)
- Feels angry or resentful to their partner (solar plexus chakra imbalance)
- Feels unappreciated and unloved in the relationship (heart chakra imbalance)
- Feels criticized and disempowered around their partner (solar plexus chakra imbalance)
- Finds themselves saying “yes” when they mean “no”. (By doing things they don’t really want to be doing – doing more than their fair share of the work, and/or doing things other people are capable of doing for themselves.) (sacral chakra imbalance)
- Think and feel responsible for the other’s well-being (feelings, thoughts, actions, needs, wants, etc.)
- Feels guilty often when they shouldn’t (sacral chakra imbalance)
Other codependent traits include:
- Find themselves attracted to needy people
- Feel bored, empty, and worthless if they don’t have a crisis in their lives, a problem to solve, or someone to help
- Become afraid to let other people be who they are and allow events to happen naturally
- Often feel sad or depressed because they spend majority of their time (or life) giving to others, without receiving anything in return. (Lack of self-love, a heart chakra imbalance)
- People pleasers
It is possible that the person in the relationship who seems to be “troubled” (or often referred to as the “controller”), can share the above tendencies within the same or different relationships. This cycle of abuse usually stems from their childhood, or toxic family enmeshment.
A few more traits they may have:
- Feels the need to be rescued
- Struggles to give themselves (or others close to them) personal space
- Feels like the partner “completes” them and without them, they would be nothing
- They get tangled in drama very easily and frequently
- They don’t have many interests or hobbies outside of the family/friend/romantic relationships
- Makes other people responsible for their emotions (rather than taking responsibility themselves)
- Defines their self-worth by how useful they are to others
- They can’t clearly communicate their emotions and responsibilities
- Extremely critical of themselves and others
- Grew up with childhood trauma or abuse
HOW TO GAIN INDEPENDENCE FROM CODEPENDENCE
Self-Definition
Exploring interests outside of your relationships will give you more personal autonomy. More autonomy = a stronger sense of self = more personal empowerment.
Self-Definition is the basic right of the solar plexus chakra, so by activating this energy center, you strengthen your will, confidence, and individuality.
Increase Awareness
Become aware of your negative self-talk, as well as your partner’s criticism. Transform the disempowering words and thoughts into healthy motivation. As you increase awareness, it brings clarity (third eye chakra qualities) and a deeper sense of self or purpose.
Set Boundaries
Boundaries are an essential step in learning how to overcome your enmeshment patterns. You absolutely need to focus on how you feel around others and what is okay vs. not appropriate. Clear the toxic energy from your life so you can leave space for healing.
Healthy boundaries are a balance in your sacral chakra. Establishing these will heal your emotional wounds and allow you to feel pleasure again (especially if you feel “numb” within the codependent relationship)!
Self-Love and Acceptance
Love and acceptance lets you reflect upon yourself without judgment. If you’re feeling heartbroken, empty, or unloved, you are grieving. You can’t pour from an empty cup, so make it a priority to give yourself love and respect before anything else.
The heart chakra’s basic right is to love and be loved – which we all have an equal right to, as long as we establish how we need to be loved first!
Are you codependent? Ask yourself these simple questions.
- Do you take better care of other people than yourself?
- Do you obsess about other people by thinking about them, feeling anxious about them, and checking up on them?
- Do you know what other people feel, think, like, and dislike, but are unsure what your own feelings, thoughts, likes, and dislikes are?
- Do you feel responsible for other peoples choices?
- Do you change yourself hoping that other people will also change?
- Do you feel stuck and victimized?
- Do you try to fix and control people, places, and things?
- Do you deny reality to cope?
- Do you have difficulty knowing what your boundaries should be?
- Do you have difficulty saying no without feeling guilty?
- Do you allow yourself to be manipulated and controlled by others?
- Do you like and cover up for others mistakes?
- Do you distrust your decisions and feelings?
- Do you people please, because you fear rejection and desperately need approval?
- Do you know what is right for everyone else, but have difficulty making decisions about your own life?
- Does your sense of purpose involve making extreme sacrifices to satisfy your partner’s needs?
If you answered YES to two or more questions, you are Codependent.